Questions to ask your dad: 50 questions that get him talking

Most of us know who our dad is today and surprisingly little about who he was at twenty. What did he dream about? How did he meet Mom? What went through his mind the first time he held you? Many dads don't bring these stories up on their own. But many love to tell them when someone asks the right question and really listens.

The questions on this page come from the question catalog the FamilyStories app has for fathers: about 400 questions in 40 chapters. We picked 50 that work well in conversation and made them a little shorter. Most questions in the app come with a tip that helps him remember without giving the answer away. Each group here shows one of those tips. It speaks to your dad: read it to him, or say it in your own words when nothing comes to mind.

Five easy questions to start with

Easy questions ask about something he can picture and don't need a big answer. They open the conversation without making it feel like an interview.

1. What is your very first memory?
2. What did you buy with the first money you ever earned?
3. Which song takes you straight back to your teenage years?
4. What was your first car, and who taught you to drive?
5. Which phrase do you say so often that we'd know it was you anywhere?

Tip from the app for the first question: "It doesn't have to be anything important. Often it's just an image, a sound, or a brief moment that stuck with you."

Questions to ask your dad about his life

A life is easiest to tell in order, from childhood to today. Pick the questions that fit your dad; three per conversation are enough.

His childhood

Questions about his childhood bring back places and people you never saw yourself.

• What was the home you grew up in like?
• What did a normal day look like when you were a kid, from getting up to going to bed?
• Where did you and the other kids hang out after school?
• What did you want to be when you grew up?
• Which holiday did you look forward to most as a kid?

Tip from the app for the holiday question: "Don't start by asking what was best: ask what you were already looking forward to for days as a child."

His teenage years and friends

As a teenager, your dad decided for the first time who he wanted to be.

• Who were your closest friends as a teenager?
• What did a typical Saturday night look like when you were sixteen?
• Which teacher do you still remember, and why?
• Did you have a summer job, and what were you saving for?
• When did you move out of your parents' house, and what did you take with you?

Tip from the app for the Saturday night question: "Start with the beginning of the evening and then how it unfolded."

Love

How your dad met your mom is a story you may never have heard from his side. If your parents are no longer together, ask about his first great love or skip this group.

• Who was the first person you really fell in love with?
• Where did you first meet Mom, and who made the first move?
• What did you notice about her right away?
• Was there a proposal, or did you decide together?
• What held the two of you together through the hard times?

Tip from the app for the first-meeting question: "Don't go straight to the whole story: just to the place where you first met."

Work and his first job

Questions about work show how your dad found his way and what he is proud of.

• How did you get your first real job?
• What was completely new to you at your first job?
• Who taught you the most at work?
• Which decision changed your career path the most?
• What are you proudest of in your working life?

Tip from the app for the last question: "Complete the sentence in your mind: 'When I look at my career, I'm most proud that I…'"

His parents and your family's roots

When your dad talks about his own parents, you also learn about your grandparents and where your family comes from.

• Which three words describe your father best?
• What is your fondest memory of your mother?
• Where does our family name come from?
• Which sayings did everyone in your family use?
• Which object has our family kept for a long time, and what story goes with it?

Tip from the app for the question about his father: "What aspect of his voice, presence, or manner comes to mind immediately?"

Becoming a dad and being one

Here you hear how your dad lived through the years you barely remember yourself.

• How did you find out I was on the way?
• When did it first hit you that you were a father now?
• What did you want to do differently from your own father?
• What can you smile about today as a dad, even if it didn't go perfectly back then?
• What did you love most about being a father?

Tip from the app for the first question: "Sometimes it's not the thought that stays, but a detail of the scene: the room, Mom's face, the time of day, the weather."

Questions to ask your dad about you

These questions tell you things about yourself that you can't remember.

• What was the day I was born like?
• Was I a calm baby or a little whirlwind?
• When did you notice that I had a will of my own?
• Was there a moment when you first saw yourself in me?
• How did our relationship change as I got older?

Tip from the app for the last question: "Think of a moment when you realized: things between us feel different now."

How well do you know your dad? In the free family quiz, you pick "Dad" at the start and answer twelve questions about him in a minute. At the end you get 50 questions about your dad to print or to cut out as cards. Whatever you didn't know in the quiz often makes the best first question.

Fun questions to ask your dad

Fun questions loosen things up, and the story you actually wanted to hear often comes right after. They work well at a family dinner where everyone listens in.

• Did you ever skip school, and what did you do instead?
• What did you look like as a teenager, hair and all?
• Which prank with your friends still makes you grin?
• What went completely wrong on a family trip?
• Which of you was the fun parent, and who had to say no more often?

Tip from the app for the question about his look: "Did you wear jeans and a shirt, bell-bottoms, a leather jacket, sneakers, long hair, short hair, or something completely different?"

Deep questions to ask your dad

These are often the questions that mean the most later, because his answers show what he wants to pass on to you. Ask them at a calm moment and let him decide how much he shares.

• Which time in your life was especially hard, and how did you get through it?
• Which decision felt wrong at first but turned out to be exactly right?
• What do you know about life now that would have made things easier back then?
• Which values have carried you through life?
• If you could tell me just one thing to carry through life, what would it be?

Tip from the app for the last question: "If you started the sentence with 'Never forget:…', how would you finish it off the top of your head?"

How to ask so your dad actually talks

Many dads answer briefly at first: "Fine." or "It was what it was." That rarely means he doesn't want to talk. Usually the question was too big. Ask smaller and more specific: about a place, a person or a single day.

Instead of	Try
What was your childhood like?	What did the kitchen look like where you ate as a kid?
Was work hard?	What was your very first day at work like?
Did you like being a dad?	Do you remember the first time you held me?
What did you do back then?	Where did you go on a Saturday night when you were young?

Three things help almost every time:

• Side by side, not face to face: Some dads talk more easily on a walk, in the car or while fixing something together than across a table.
• Follow up before moving on: "And then?", "Who else was there?" or "What did it smell like?" bring more than the next question on the list.
• Something to look at: An old photo, his toolbox or a record brings back memories a question alone can't reach.

For a longer 30-minute conversation and how to record it, see our guide on how to interview your parents.

When it isn't easy

Not every conversation with your own dad is easy. For the most common situations there is a simple way through.

• You live far apart: The questions work just as well on the phone or on a video call. Take one question per call and tell him ahead of time, so he can think about it a little.
• His memory is fading: Ask about what happened long ago: his childhood, school, his first home. Don't correct him; record whatever comes. Our guide to life review questions for older adults shows how these conversations work.
• It gets emotional: Tears are part of it and don't mean the question was wrong. Leave a pause, tell him he doesn't have to go on, and start with something lighter next time.
• You aren't especially close: Start with questions about his childhood or his work, not about the two of you. Talking about something else is easier, and closeness often grows while you listen.

A plan for the first conversation, for example on Father's Day

A first conversation needs no preparation, just a quiet moment and three questions. Father's Day, the third Sunday in June, is a good occasion, but so is any Sunday.

1. Pick a moment without the TV and without time pressure: coffee after a meal, a walk, a longer drive.
2. Bring three questions: an easy one to start, one about his childhood and one about you.
3. Tell him why you're asking, for example: "I'd like to keep your stories, for me and for our family."
4. Follow up before you ask the next question. One whole story is worth more than ten half ones.
5. Ask whether you may record the conversation. Then open the voice recorder on your phone (on an iPhone it's called Voice Memos), tap the red button and put the phone in the middle of the table.
6. Stop after about 20 minutes, while it still feels good, and set a time for the next one.

How to keep his answers

Your dad's answers are precious, so it's worth keeping them right away. There are four common ways to keep them.

Way	How it works	What you keep	Good if
A notebook	You jot down notes while he talks.	Your notes, without his voice.	you see each other often and write fast.
A fill-in journal for dads	Your dad writes his answers in a book with printed questions.	A book in his handwriting, without his voice.	he likes to write and has the patience for it.
Voice memos on your phone	You record the conversation with the voice memo app.	His voice, but lots of files with no order and no text.	it's a single conversation.
A life story app like FamilyStories	He answers the app's questions in his own voice or in writing, in the app or through a link in the browser.	Voice, text and photos, sorted by chapter, as a PDF or a printed book.	the story should grow over weeks and the family should be able to read along.

No way is wrong. What matters is that his answers don't end up scattered across an old phone.

In FamilyStories you'll find the whole question catalog for dads, with chapters such as "Your Home" and "When You Became a Father", and a tip for most questions. At the start you answer a few questions about his life, so the app picks the questions that fit him. Five answered questions are free, a paid plan unlocks every question, and you can add your own questions at any time. Your dad answers in his own voice, and what he says is turned into text automatically. He can answer in the app or without the app through a link in his browser, and a weekly reminder keeps the story going. In the end it becomes a PDF, a Word file or a printed book in which his voice can be heard through a QR code on a phone.

Our guide on how to record your parents' life story walks you through recording and keeping the conversations step by step. For questions to ask both parents, see questions to ask your parents about their life.