Most of us know our parents well and still know surprisingly little about their lives before we were born. What did their bedroom look like? What did they dream about at twenty? What shaped them? With the right questions, most parents are happy to tell you, and many small answers slowly add up to their life story.
Five easy questions to start with
Good first questions ask for a picture and do not need a big answer. They open the conversation without making it feel like an interview.
- What did the street you grew up on look like?
- What was your favorite food as a kid, and who made it?
- Which song takes you straight back to your teenage years?
- What did you buy with the first money you ever earned?
- Which photo from your life would you like to explain to me one day?
How well do you really know your parents? The free family quiz asks you twelve questions about your mom, dad or grandparents in about a minute. At the end you get 50 questions to print or cut into cards for your next conversation. Whatever you could not answer in the quiz often makes the best first question.
Questions to ask your parents about their life, stage by stage
Stories are easiest to tell in order, from childhood to today. Take one stage per conversation and pick the three questions that fit your mom or dad best. Each stage ends with a follow-up question that takes you deeper.
Childhood
Questions about their childhood bring back places, people and habits you never saw yourself.
- What did the house or apartment you grew up in look like?
- What was an ordinary Sunday like in your family?
- Who did you love to play with, and what did you play?
- What were you not allowed to do as a kid that is normal today?
- What were you afraid of as a child, and who comforted you?
- What prank did you never tell anyone about?
Follow-up: "What did it smell like there?" A smell often brings back a whole scene.
School and teenage years
In school and as teenagers, your parents decided for the first time who they wanted to be.
- Which teacher do you still remember, and why?
- Who were your best friends, and what did you do after school?
- What did you do on weekends when you were sixteen?
- What did you get in trouble for as a teenager?
- What music, clothes or place felt like yours back then?
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
Follow-up: "If you could tell your sixteen-year-old self one thing, what would it be?"
Work and career
Questions about work show how your parents made their way and what they are proud of.
- How did you end up in your first real job?
- What was your very first day at work like?
- Who taught you the most at work?
- What are you most proud of in your working life?
- Was there ever a moment when you wanted to quit everything?
- What would you do differently in your career today?
Follow-up: "How much did you earn back then, and what could you buy with it?"
Love and relationships
How your parents met is the story many children most want to hear again.
- How did you two meet, and who made the first move?
- What did you think the first time you saw Mom or Dad?
- What was your first date like?
- How did you get married, or why didn't you?
- What turned out to be harder at the start than you expected?
- In your experience, what keeps love together?
Follow-up: "What were you wearing?" Small details bring a story to life.
When we were little: questions about you
This is where you learn things about yourself that you cannot remember.
- What was the day I was born like?
- How did you choose my name?
- What kind of kid was I?
- What did I do that made you laugh?
- What was hardest for you when we were little?
- What would you have done differently while we were growing up?
Follow-up: "Is there a photo from that day?"
Family history and roots
Family history questions keep what would otherwise disappear with a generation: names, places and the stories behind them.
- What do you know about your grandparents?
- Where does our family come from, and why did you move away or stay?
- What traditions did your family have for the holidays?
- Which recipe has been in your family the longest?
- Which story about our family gets told again and again?
- Which family keepsake means the most to you?
Follow-up: "Who might know more about that?"
Turning points and hard times
Every life has years that changed everything. Ask gently and let your parents decide how much they want to share.
- Which decision changed your life the most?
- What was the hardest time in your life, and what helped you through it?
- Which move or goodbye will you never forget?
- Which event in the world touched your own life?
- When did you first truly feel like a grown-up?
- Looking back today, what are you proud of?
Follow-up: "Who was there for you during that time?"
Values and what they want to pass on
These deep questions often come to mean the most, because the answers show what your parents want to pass on.
- What has become truly important to you in life?
- Which advice from your own parents did you follow?
- Which saying of your mother or father do you still use today?
- What do you want your grandchildren to know about you?
- What are you most grateful for in your life?
- What would you like our family to keep from you?
Follow-up: "Can you tell me a story about that?" A value becomes real through a moment.
Fun questions to ask your parents
Fun questions loosen up a conversation and often bring out stories nobody expected. They work well at a family dinner where everyone can listen in.
- What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
- Which piece of clothing from back then would you still wear today?
- What was your biggest kitchen disaster?
- What did you spend all your allowance on?
- What excuse did you use most often as a kid?
- If you could live one day of your life again, which one would it be?
- Which moment was so embarrassing that you can laugh about it now?
Which questions for which moment?
Not every question fits every occasion. This overview helps you choose.
| Moment | Good fit | Example |
|---|---|---|
| A short phone call | an easy childhood question | What was an ordinary Sunday like in your family? |
| A visit with old photos | family history and roots | Who is in this photo, and what kind of day was it? |
| A family dinner | fun questions | Which piece of clothing from back then would you still wear today? |
| A milestone birthday | turning points and values | Looking back today, what are you proud of? |
| A quiet evening, just the two of you | love, and questions about you | What was the day I was born like? |
How to ask the questions
A good question needs time for its answer. These four things help in almost every conversation:
- Few questions: Three questions per visit are enough. Better one whole story than ten half ones.
- Listening: Let pauses be. The best part often comes after the silence.
- Follow-ups: "And then what?", "Who else was there?", "How did that feel?"
- Something to hold: A photo, a letter or an old tool on the table brings back memories a question alone cannot reach.
How to plan a longer, 30-minute conversation is explained in our guide on how to interview your parents. How many questions make sense for a whole life story is covered in life story questions: 10, 20 to 33, or 50+?.
Questions to ask older parents
With older parents, short and concrete questions and things to look at help more than long conversations. If their memory is fading, ask about what happened long ago: childhood, school, their first home. Do not correct them; record whatever comes. Our guide to life review questions for older adults shows how these conversations go well.
Questions for mom, dad or grandparents
The questions on this page work for both parents. There are separate collections of questions to ask your dad and questions to ask grandparents.
Keeping their answers
Your parents' answers are precious, and after a few weeks hardly anyone remembers exactly who said what. So keep them right away, ideally as a voice recording: that way you keep not only the words but also the voice, the laugh and the way your mom or dad tells a story.
In FamilyStories you find questions like these ready to use, ordered by life stages like here, with small hints for every question. You can add your own questions at any time. Your parents answer in their own voice, and the spoken words become text automatically. They can answer in the app or without any app through a link in the browser, and a weekly reminder keeps the story going. In the end it becomes a PDF, a Word file or a printed book in which you can hear the voice through a code.
How to record and save these conversations step by step is explained in our guide on how to record your parents' life story.
Frequently asked questions
Ask about specific moments instead of summaries: their childhood, teenage years, work, love, your own childhood, where the family comes from, turning points and what matters to them. Start with easy questions and save the harder ones for later.
With a small, concrete question or an old photo, for example: "What did the street you grew up on look like?" Tell them why you are asking: because you are interested in their story and want to keep it for the family.
Three questions per visit are usually enough. A conversation of 20 to 30 minutes is pleasant for both of you, and you already have something to look forward to next time.
Short, concrete questions about things that happened long ago, like childhood or their first home. Photos, old songs and familiar objects often help memories more than questions do.
Often the questions about values and what they want to pass on: which advice helped them, what they are grateful for and what their grandchildren should know about them. Ask them calmly, without hurry, and record the answers in their own voice.
Every question on this page works for both. For your dad there is also a separate collection of questions to ask your dad.
Yes. At the end of the free family quiz you get 50 questions to print or cut into cards, with no sign-up.
The easiest way is a voice recording on your phone, one answer per question. In FamilyStories you record each answer right next to its question, and the spoken words become text automatically.
Keep your family's stories, in their own voices
FamilyStories is the iPhone and iPad app where your family collects life stories: with personal questions, real voices and photos, kept private, and in the end a printed book.
- Personal questions by chapter of life
- Spoken words become text automatically
- The original voice is always kept
- Photos right next to their story
- A family circle for up to 10 people
- Answer without the app, by link
- Weekly reminders to keep telling
- Music and nature sounds as you talk
- A family tree for the whole family
- Save it as a PDF or a Word file
- A printed book, shipped worldwide
- Private and end-to-end encrypted
- Download the app
Get FamilyStories from the App Store on your iPhone or iPad.
- Pick the questions
Tell the app a little about the person, and it picks fitting questions.
- Invite your family
Send your family a link. They answer in the app or in their browser.